So we were drinking at a bar and this little short guy comes up to Me. Really attractive guy with a good build, bulging biceps but he couldn’t be over 5’6 or 5’7 tall. He started buying Me drinks and telling Me how I’m the most beautiful thing he has ever seen. yadayada. he wasn’t really skeezy and aggressive about it.he was more worshipful and polite with his flirtations and flattery. Since I was in a good mood, I let him tell ME how awesome I am, sing MY praises endlessly and buy Me gluten-free beers. He was very attentive and paid no attention to all the other chicks in the bar. Chicks were drooling over him and talking about him to get his attention, but he was mesmerized of course. So he had ridden a motorcycle in and had a terrible case of helmet-head that was making his hair stick straight up in the air and no matter how much he tried to flatten it, it kept popping back up. Being the good samaritan that I am, I spit in my hand, slapped it on this guy’s head.(who I just met that night) and try to help arrange his hair. First he looked a bit shocked and some chicks who were eyeballing the entire scene..lusting over this guy , whilst hating on Me.started saying, “Oh my gawd, what a total fucking bitch!” One of My girlfriends who came with Me started laughing and hollers, “Oh my god, you met that guy 20 minutes ago and you are already spitting in his hair!?!” He just looked at me starry-eyed, happy as a clam as I try unsuccessfully to smush his unruly hair down. So spitting on his head didn’t work. I tried a different tactic. I reach into My glass and procured about 3 ice cubes and balance them on the top of his head and say, “Don’t move! Sit still and let them melt so your hair gets wet enough that I can fix that mop of yours. He’s just sitting there on his little stool, tit-high as I arrange the cubes on his head. He whispered, “ok”. Guys across the bar all silently watch. None of them say a word as he stiffly balances the icecubes on his noggin. I suspect they all had secret hard-ons. I sit back down, and reapply My lip gloss, powder My nose and then survey My work. The chicks across the bar glare at ME and cluck endlessly about My bitchy attitude. Icecubes start melting all over his head, down his face and into his eyes. “All done!” I say. I removed the icecubes and try to fix his hair. His eyes glaze over. I grabbed him firmly by the jaw and say, “you have a nice jaw line! I will now kick your ass at darts.” He stands up in a daze.I’m wearing 3 inch heels and standing 6’3 or 6’4. The top of his wet head is TOTALLY boob high. I hover over him and just LAAAAAAAAAUGH! He follows Me to the dart board area. Some skankily dressed chick comes up to him while I am changing the tips on My darts and starts hitting on him hardcore, tries crawling into his lap practically. He rebuffs her and moves away. I hear her say, “you totally want her!?!? And she is treating you like absolute shit! She’s a bitchy lesbian you know!” She skulks away and I smile at her, then kick his ass in just 9 rounds. Later that night, I find a love letter tucked in My windshield wiper on MY truck in front of the bar from him. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Gawd, you guys are easy to fuck with!
